Awake to Dream
by a.c.ryder
Summary: Jane has been dreaming of Loki in the aftermath of the Aether.


AN: This was a fic I posted a year ago on AO3 as a gift, I just realized I never posted it here. I've been working on the following chapters, so hopefully I can update soon. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Loki, Jane or any characters herein. Just having fun and making no money :)

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Jane tossed restlessly in her bed, too hot one moment, too cold the next; she burrowed beneath the heap of blankets, or flung them from her body completely only to burrow once more. She didn't miss Thor, per se, but she did miss the feel of a warm solid body beside her, especially on nights when she couldn't sleep no matter how badly she needed to. And after seeing the devastation due to Ultron and his subsequent return to Asgard, Jane did not regret her decision to end things.

It all should've gone back to normal after Malakith was defeated. Thor returned to her within a few days instead of two years. It should've been a fresh start – a new life – for both of them. For a time Jane had everything she wanted, but living with Thor up close and personal gave her a new perspective on who he was, rather than the ideal she'd built in her mind in his absence. He wasn't happy here, not entirely. It wasn't Asgard, it wasn't a palace; it wasn't and never would be his _home_.

Living in her two bedroom flat in London that they shared with Darcy and Selvig made for some uncomfortable moments. Jane wasn't surprised when Thor said the Avengers needed his help to find Loki's scepter, and she didn't try to stop him. Thor was a warrior, no matter how often he told her he was battle weary and longed for peace. She didn't doubt his sincerity, but there were times she could see his body practically trembling with the need to fight someone.

The death of his mother, the death of his brother, how he basically sacrificed himself for the good of the universe – it all took a toll. He changed, but then, so did she. As much as they cared for each other, it was now clear to Jane that a relationship with the God of Thunder just wasn't possible – at least not in any way that was real or fulfilling.

When Thor was home Jane was gone, and when she was home, Thor was off hunting for Loki's scepter with the Avengers. _Loki_. Even in death that man made matters more complicated than they needed to be. Although without him, she may have lost her mind completely. She never told Thor of the dreams she had of his brother, how even after his death he made his way into her dreams and silenced the phantoms of the Aether. She'd be lying if she didn't admit that in some way, her dreams of Loki were one of the main reasons she ended things with Thor.

Loki may be called the God of Lies and Silvertongue, but she only ever heard truth from his lips, truth that she desperately needed to hear no matter how much it hurt. She had no joy, he helped her realize, no love for the things that made up who she was in the years of Thor's absence. Then after Svartalfheim, when he returned in all his glory, Jane allowed herself to believe that they would finally have a life together. It seems, however, it just wasn't meant to be.

It wasn't his fault, Thor was who he was. He was a god, and he was larger than life. So large that it was only natural she lost herself in him, losing herself in a way she never imagined was possible. She waited for years, her life stagnant and her work focused solely on a man – the God of Thunder, but a man nonetheless. Then after he was in New York and didn't make a point to see her, she moved. She moved to make herself feel like her life was going somewhere once more – to feel that she hadn't been abandoned.

But Jane was always on the fence where Loki was concerned; she hated him for what he did in New York and what he did to Erik. But he also saved her life, and Thor's, and thus the rest of the world. She could never trust Loki, but right now in her dreams, she had something she had desperately been missing – someone who understood. Someone who knew what it was to have their mind taken over and warped like clay. Someone who had been tainted by the power of an infinity stone, who still wrestled with the effects of it.

The aether woke in her veins, boiling as though her skin would rend itself from her body. She felt the darkness consume her, felt it pulled violently through her pores as though it were yesterday. She rushed to the bathroom, soaking a washcloth in ice cold water to cool her burning skin. But perhaps this was just another dream, as she felt Loki behind her, his fingertips dragging gently along her forearm.

"Shhh, it's gone from you, Jane. You feel its presence, but it is merely a phantom. A trick of your nerves." It was then she noticed the fire gone from her veins. She glared at his reflection in her mirror where he met her gaze with a mischievous grin. His touch was unnaturally cold, breaking through the fog of her thoughts and she shivered with the realization, turning to face him.

"Loki…" she could hardly catch her breath as she took in the form of him – hair still long and untamed, though he wasn't fully clad in his armor, it was the more relaxed green tunic. His eyes were always dark and calculating with that hint of mocking and mischief, but he didn't look as crazy as she remembered. He seemed eerily…calm.

"You…you're here – alive…" she stammered.

"You are indeed observant, Dr. Foster." He reached a hand to her cheek, and Jane slapped it away as she pushed off the sink.

"Stop it!" she stepped into the hallway, trying to put as much distance between them as possible. "What are you – how are you even…" she stopped pacing as she held her breath, glaring daggers at the man before her, "Where's Thor?"

Loki rolled his eyes, "Thor is fine, seated on the throne of Asgard. Odin remains in the Odinsleep and it seemed as good a time as any to visit you." He approached her slowly, his gaze travelling the length of her body, "I must say you are surviving your breakup with Thor much better this time around. I don't think I've seen you shed one tear."

"Why are you here, Loki?" she demanded as her back hit the wall. He stopped moving as he seemed to catch on to her rampant fear at his presence. "And don't you dare lie to me or you can get out right now."

"You don't seem happy to see me…" he appeared surprised and somehow hurt by this statement, like he genuinely didn't understand her reaction.

"What did you expect? I saw you die, we left you on…this isn't a dream…" she barely whispered as if that explained all the conflicting emotions within her. She wasn't afraid of him, but just his very presence was threatening. He never directly hurt her or threatened her, and in her dreams he only ever helps her and takes care of her. But the real Loki is as unpredictable and dangerous as any tempest.

His eyes softened, and she released a trembling breath. If he wanted to hurt her he'd of done it already, or worse, taken her with him.

"You brought about changes in Thor I'd never imagined possible." He admitted quietly, "You held the Aether within you – you withstood its power and survived. Little though you are, you seem to have a knack for controlling uncontrollable forces beyond your comprehension…" his gaze lifted once more to meet hers, a teasing grin on his lips.

"Can you spare a little redemption for me, Jane Foster?" she slapped him before she could stop herself. He smiled much the way he did their first meeting, his fingers stroking the place where she struck him. But she saw through the smile to the hurt, and possibly the fear, beneath it. Right now, she couldn't show she cared.

"I didn't control Thor, whatever changes he made, he made himself. I didn't control the Aether, it just used my body as a host, and as for your redemption –" he caught her wrist as she moved to slap him again, pulling her against his chest.

"Careful, mortal. My mercy has limits."

"You don't even know the meaning of the word." She spat, and he loosened his hold as she wrenched free from his grip.

"Oh, but you are wrong. You, my dear Jane, are alive thanks to _several_ acts of mercy."

"You saved my life _once_." An event Jane remembers only too well, and it is as confusing now as when she looked up to see his body looming protectively over hers.

"While I was under the command of the Chitauri it was you I planned to use instead of Selvig." Her blood ran cold at his words, wishing he'd never admitted such a thing. "It would have been the sweetest revenge on Thor, to use you against him in my plot to take over. I had been manipulating Selvig for over a year before my plan was enacted, by the time they moved you – and I know exactly where they moved you – it would have been too late. But as I said, I am merciful and I am not so weak to use an innocent woman…"

"But you'll use an innocent man?"

"Selvig was hardly innocent. He wanted to unlock the secrets of the tesseract and I helped him achieve his dreams."

"And drove him insane in the process."

"He's alright now, isn't he? A rather successful professor who knows more about the cosmos than any human before him. I dare say a thank you is in order."

"You're crazy." He didn't chase her as she stepped back, putting ample distance between them. Loki smiled, edging his chin up in defiant pleasure.

"You never pushed me away thus in your dreams; you cling to me."

"Only because you engineered them that way." She interrupted sharply.

"On the contrary, the dreams are yours; I only enter them. You do as you wish." Jane shook her head as if that could clear the jumble of her thoughts. She sank to the edge of the couch.

"Why are you doing this to me?" and for the second time that night, there wasn't a hint of mischief or malice in his eyes.

"At first, I was bored. I was playing King and Thor had once again shirked all his responsibility in pursuit of his pleasure. I couldn't understand the hold you have over my br…over Thor."

"So you played with my mind?"

"I wasn't playing, Jane!" he snapped. Loki froze at the force of his own voice and took a deep breath, "Unlike Thor, _who shared your bed_ , I saw your distress and your suffering. I know the power of the aether still haunts you, and I thought that I could help."

"You expect me to believe you helped me out of the goodness of your heart? You who tried to take over my world, kill your brother, and your father?"

"Like it or not, Jane, I alone heard your cries; one could almost call them prayers. I, being the merciful god I am, answered them."

"A merciful god wouldn't torment me the way you have."

"Torment?" he chuckled, "Oh, dear Jane, it wasn't torment. You so thoroughly enjoyed our nights together." The warmth flushed her cheeks at his words. The dreams themselves were innocent, if he touched her at all it was only to show her the Aether was truly gone. Though his tone was teasing and suggestive, his eyes were contrite. "If I hurt you or confused you, I sincerely apologize. It wasn't my intent. If it's any consolation I didn't even touch you, not physically."

A silence settled over them as Jane struggled to make sense of it all. But perhaps that in and of itself was pointless. Nothing about this made sense. If she believed Loki, her subconscious mind desired him, and while he was easy enough on the eyes, Jane couldn't consciously imagine it.

"Why come to me now – why at all?"

"You intrigue me beyond all others." He stated simply, "I know you would never be mine, but I thought if I could gain your trust, perhaps we could reach an arrangement of…mutual benefits."

"And you thought manipulating my mind and telling me how you planned to use me against your brother would gain you my trust?"

"I…well, yes."

She scoffed at his ignorance. "Does Thor actually know you're here?"

"He sent me. Though he was less than thrilled with my actions, he understood them. My reward for saving you both on Svartlfheilm and also not killing Odin, was my freedom."

"And what are these mutual benefits you refer to?"

"The earth is still vulnerable to attack; I have seen much of the universe and I could be invaluable to your research as well as defending your planet. And I would have the benefit of your company and intellect."

It sounded too easy, and far too good to be true. But she would play along, if only to find out what he was really doing here.

"If the earth is still in danger than you should speak with SHIELD." She suggested.

"They would kill me before they even heard a word I said."

"Can you blame them?"

"No." Loki's fingers fidgeted, scratching against his palm and the pads of his fingertips. He studied his hand as intensely as she studied the stars, "You asked for the truth, Jane. The truth is I was born in Jotunheim and raised in Asgard, yet I do not feel at home in either realm. I have seen worlds unheard of, each more hostile than the last. When Thor asked where I wanted to go, Earth was the only place I could think of."

"I can't believe Thor sent you here after New York." She said more to herself than Loki.

"He didn't have much choice."

"What does that mean?"

"We made a deal of sorts: he would send me back to earth if I promised to keep you safe." She huffed, laughing mirthless and bitter.

"Typical…"

"He cares for you very deeply, but we are gods – immortal – his attention lasts only as long as his interest." Her eyes shot up at such a hurtful, brazen statement.

"So you're saying I'm all used up?"

"I'm saying you deserve better." Loki was suddenly nervous at her outburst, stammering and backtracking to explain, "Thor may have learned a lesson or two when Odin stripped him of his power, but you can't change a man who is a thousand years set in his ways. Thor is a fool, he is selfish – always has been."

"And you tried to take over the world; you faked your death twice and usurped your fathers throne. You aren't any better –"

"Good that I did, or Thor would never have been permitted to return to you. Odin would never allow him to relinquish his title, especially after committing treason. You don't know the affect my mother's death had on him. Odin was prepared to sacrifice us all to get his way!"

She did know. However briefly, Jane watched the unraveling of the King of Asgard. If Thor hadn't returned, Jane might still have been moping. If he hadn't come back, she wouldn't have realized how ill-matched they truly were and that a relationship was simply impossible. She never would have had this closure and peace of mind; she might never have become herself again. Perhaps everything was exactly as it should be.

"I don't consider myself a hero in any sense of the word, but perhaps in time I could earn a second chance in your eyes…"

Jane remained silent, not quite meeting his eyes, but not turning her back on him. She felt something for him, even if she couldn't name it; it was no longer only contempt.

"I don't trust you."

"You have good reason." He was inching closer, his eyes questioning, waiting for her to stop him. She didn't. "I would worship you, Jane. I could show you your stars; take you to worlds you've never even dreamed of." His forehead pressed against hers, his thumb stroking her cheek gently.

"I don't want to be worshipped. I just want to be loved." It was a quiet statement, and one that surprised even her.

"Are they not the same thing?" he tilted her chin to face him, "Say the word and I will leave. Tell me you hate me, that you never wish to see my face again and you never shall." His thumb traced over her bottom lip and her eyes closed as his lips claimed hers in a painfully soft kiss.

* * *

When Jane woke alone she was surprised and equally relieved – that dream had felt more real than any before it. She pushed the blankets off once more and went to the bathroom. She steadied her breathing, splashing cold water on her face and neck. His face wasn't reflected in her mirror, but somehow she is certain it wasn't a dream at all. Loki was alive and he was on earth, offering to help her protect it. Whether he was lying, or just using her to get back at Thor she couldn't know. But then, however unlikely, he could be telling the truth, perhaps he truly did seek redemption and helping protect the world he sought to destroy was how planned to attain it. He would return, and when he did, she would accept his help and discover what he was really after.

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Again, I hope you enjoyed it! Feel free to review, and I always accept constructive criticism. :))


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